Been listening to some Eckhart the last few days. I think there are strong similariites between his struggles with depression and suffering and then his surrender and the peace that followed by being in the now, and Bob's description of surrendering to god and feeling (what does he call it?) the peace of god wash over him.
It's all about trying to stay present in the now instead of dwelling in the past or the future. There's a lot to be said for it. Good to remind myself to enjoy every moment. i want to listen to more about his concept of the pain body too. This jumble of feelings and thoughts cultivated through past hurts or unresolved problems that can so easily take over if i become hurt or angry now in the present. Sometimes I feel anger like a whirlwind of atoms charging around inside bouncing off the walls of my body. But if I can see that then its easier to take a step away from it. I also love the idea of the silent watcher. That part of me that can watch my thoughts. It feels very healthy to be aware of that. Tolles realisation was triggered in part by the thought, " I can't live with myself any longer" at his lowest ebb. In that phrase there is I and myself. Two. So who/ what is the I and who/what is the self? Only one can be the true me. Interesting talking to Ben about these things over the weekend as he has a foot in both christianity and modern day spirituality. My hippy friend! An ayahuasca priest in the making. More snow! This was taken just before 6.00 AM this morning. It had practically melted away yesterday. Pretty thouigh. The artfully scattered chairs a remnant of Hannas horse jumping show. Where she was the horse.
Ah, the magic of the sauna. The scorcery of water. dry body to wet body. Sweat. Heat. Steam. The eloquent transformation and the simplicity of it. Love it.
Not the best of pics, this is the ladies side as the mans side is being fixed up. Still dont really understand how to move the pics around either. Ho hum. Time will tell. This is about Sunday Began the day with a barbershop massacre. Clumps of long hair lying on the rug under the table and a suspicious pair of scissors. Astrid had a dreddd lump that she'd try to cut out hereslf. Sandra n Stella headed out to klädbytardag (clothes changing day) in the village, and then on to help Lotta n Stoffe move. The twins played together, they're getting really good. A bit of bashing but also very loving. At one point they were propped up on cushons and Astrid was stroking Klaras hair and face. Listened to Uncle Bobs breakfast testimony in the car into town. As you do. Started a bit weird and wobbly, but when he hit his stride it felt genuine. All about surrendering to gods peace (surrendering to now? Surrendering the ego?) and choosing the road less travelled. From civil servant to gods scribbler. The only jarring part is his need to always have a christian mag with him and the bit about converting people on trains. Three of my favourite thingsSo after dropping Ben we fikad with Cord n co at Slottsträdgårdens Kafé, and then hit the beach to chuck stones into the Östersjön.
This is about Saturday But writing on monday. Is that important? I dont really know quite how, when why or what about I should write. Hopefully that will become clear as I continue. I also have this vague uneasy feeling that i should annonymise everything in case...strangers stumble across this. Ack, for now i ill just wordpuke and see what happens. Apologies if I splashed my wordpuke on you. Feel free to wipe it off. Longish very cold walk with Ben through snowy woods. Bright and clear. Almost got frostbite when we stopped at a 'sheltered' spot to drink tea. Watched powdered snow cloud blow across and envelope some stalwart cows. Went into Malmö in the evening to a spoken word thing. Rob (friend of B's from Svenshögen) was doing a story. Sadly we missed that as we were eating a bland curry. So we got to listen to a bland bearded american guy instead. Looks were exchange. Will he talk forever? Is this what hell is? At the same time i have a sneaking admiration for anyone gutsy enough to stand in front of others. But... Lots of religious and philosophical talk this weekend. Its interesting to open up to that stuff. Drinky afterwards at Nyhavn, Möllan. Robs moved to Lund and is into stand up. Coool! That title was meant to overlap the pic. I am such a fucktard when it comes to computers. I like this random white tiled wall. But when the american guy was on i kinda wanted to breeze pass and start urinating against it. Like some of the old outdoor pub toilets.
Some of these titles might seem a little pretentious, odd, unintelligabubble. But they serve as memory joggers or...hey waitaminute I dont have to explain myself to you! Deal with it!! Friday
Yes indeed the mighty Benschameeen is currently training his ass, hurtling southwards in good comfort. On the menu, lunch, a sauna, some beer purchases and clan collection. The many names of Ben...Mr. B, whats that haidresser one? Bengique!! Anther character associated is Scrutinising Bob. He stares at you hard from one eye and threatens,"I will SCRUTINIZE you". Little things. Spent 10 minutes trying to start a bearclub page on Wikipedia, but its never gonna get past the censors as, sadly, its only rooted in Pearson reality and not outside world reality. Yet! Also disappeared down a pleasant youtube wormhole last night. All to do with travelling and camping with a Brompton. I slobbered over equpment. Hammocks and bedrolls and plane bags. Panniers too. Mmmm. Thursday
Had an idea last night that we could have a page on wikipedia which we could log in too and add stuff to. There was, however, already a page called the bear club. All about teddy bears. Imposters I hear you shout! Indeed. Well i guess we could just call it Bear Club or Bear Language or something. Imagine being able to gradually fill in all the characters and language and origins. Just like we started to do when we walked along the Severn path back in November. Jonge, Joge and Guise. Not forgetting Kenge of course. Mr Prrerty and his sarcasm Heellloh, his calling card that cuts to the bone! Sarsps or sasps... Clap hands here comes Guysy I will look into it. We can bring the Bear language to the world and promote peace! Who could get cross at Vladimirge and Donge? Thursday So, I tried to upload a vid. But computer says no. I would need to upgrade and pay a monthly fee. Bleurgh.
It was one of the twins playing together. Fitting tiny little books into a bigger book. Very sweet. One option is to upload it to youtube and then link to that. But I'm a little scared of all thatr ight now. You get the idea though huh? Just talked to you Joge, and wished you aHappy Birthday down there in Bristol. You could say that this is part of your prezzie. I bet you're gonna stalk the hell out of this blog, right? But its going to be my little secret for a while. Fill it up a bit. Find a voice, my voice. Wednesday This is my 9 oclock start. I leave the girls at Dagis and school and drive on in to the big bad city. Listened to a podcast on the way in about nutrtion and diet as a way to cure tiredness, mood swings etc. Interesting. The suggestion was to start by taking away carbohydrates, dairy, fruit and sugar for a month and see how you feel. Then slowly reintroduce stuff one thing at a time and moniotr how you feel. So you basically get to eat meat and leafy greens and veg... Hmmm... Well hell all that food talk made me hungry. Off to my nearest falafel place for a Malmö staple. Yum
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