Bravely we returned to a thing at the church even after the previous meltdown. This one went much better. An atmospheric carol service with coffee n pepparkakor afterwards. Photo by Stella

Well what else are ya gonna do when you're home with your film crew for a day. Ben was filmed doing one of his poems. I couldn't help but do a version of my own. I can't figure out how to load films, so here's a few stills...

It spiralled a little out of control. So the last three are (obviously) Bladerunner, Alien and (clearly!) the stag scene from Highlander. I will work for food.

...Of parenting. A number of couples we know have almost split up under the early years of child rearing and some have. We came close. A combination of a deft couples therapist, the passing of time, and learning meditation, on my part, kept us together.
But what is it that happens to so many of us? There is the obvious. Lack of sleep, little time to yourself, never being able to be 'layinbed' sick anymore. The changes brought about from caring for a little one(s) 24/7. But beyond the obvious there is a complex emotional interplay going on.
Between the man and the woman. Betwteen parent and child. And within everybody. Obviously i can only give my male perspective.
Initially your flung together (hopefully) full of love and expectation, caring for the pregnant partner as best you can. And then the newborn and the new mother. The man is put into a new role of carer and provider and finds (probably) that he mostly enjoys this new role and grows as a person from it. 
The baby bubble of closeness bounds all 3 (or more!) together. But like anything, this cannot remain unchanged. It has to evolve.
The evolving, I think, is the cause of pain and friction. Things remain relatively unchanged whilst mum is home with baby. Its tough for her. The bloke is doing his best to care and support. Then the tables change and it's his turn to be home. Whilst mum returns to work and 'normal' life. The bubble bursts and the man has to handle the being at home with kid part. And it's really fucking hard.
The balance of the previous 18 or more months changes. Mum spreads her wings again and bloke becomes principle carer. And its a hell of a shock!
Then when his turn is over the dynamic has changed. Mum is enjoying having life back. She's begun to  re-establish social life, bloke wants life back. Returns to work. Tries to reestablish social life. Bloke misses this provider bubble, this new role he had. The sense of being important to his partner. The closeness that baby bubble brought. That caring love that he's perhaps not felt before. He's in limbo and starts to grasp after what he/they had. But that moment has passed and a new dynamic is waiting to begin. A functioing family life.
This grasping is part of the problem. I experienced powerful feelings of jealousy and insecurity about what S felt for me. About my place in the whole family thing. The give and take. The letting go.

​Compassion is one of the keys - giving space and time to your partner. And to yourself. And to each other.

Fantastic light here in the woods on this autumn afternoon. The downside being a tick decided to hitch a ride home on me.

Absolutely gorgeous weather this weekend on my teetotal visit to the homeland. A Wetherspoons breakfast set  us up for the day. 

The fantastic new detective series coming to the BBC. 
Or, in fact, the wonderfully named Pablo. Named and looked after mostly by Stella. 
And the repugnant, reclining Mogg. Sweet n sour. Beauty and the beast.

Such is the stamina of the mighty Mats to withstand a clan invasion!